Hey Grandma its me again. I still miss you so much and i've been crying so much i know its been 6 years already but it still hurts like an open wound. Im in the parade now i joined marching band and their like a second family to me i met a very nice guy and he has helped me through so much hes my bestfriend i cant believe youve been gone for this long but i know youre proud of me i got into symphonic band my freshman year and im moving up to wind this year. I cant stop thinking about you and all the fun times we had together it hurts to think that youre actually gone you were my bestfriend and i thought i would never find anyone like you until i met my bestfriend now he reminds me so much of you. You would love him. Im front row in the parade and i know youre always gonna march right next to me. Im trying to stay strong for mom and audrey but its hard. im failing my english class but im trying i promise. i still havent opened up to alot of people but im trying i started talking to my counselor at school but i still refuse to get a therapist. im trying to let you go but i cant youre all i can think about in the month of november. My bestfriend alexia is also always here for me an has been since freshmen year i dont like to tell her so much because she has her own stuff going on. im a spohmore now i know its been a while since i last wrote one of these but here i am. Lewis is leaving soon and thats gonna break me so hard hes going to the army next month and i dont want to lose my big brother but theres nothing i can do. i play the flute and i play piccolo for marching band but i can play the drums if i really want to. Im trying out for drum major for next year and im sure ill get it. ive dyed my hair a few times and i made a promise to my friends and to mom that i would try my best to be happy and im really trying. My friends are my happiness Dylan makes me happy Alexia makes me happy. I know youre with Grandpa and youre out of pain and im happy about that but i still cant process the fact that youre gone. i look just like mom but i have dads nose and skintone and hair. I have a job now im almost 16. I promise im gonna bring you flowers this year ill never forget about you and i love you forever. it might take a few years but ill see you again. We dont go to church anymore because of what they said about mom and dad and about us. But i know youre up in heaven always thinking about me and that youre happy. my mental heath is slowly getting better and alexia and dylan are helping me with that. I never did get to bring you thanksgiving dinner like i wanted to but you can sit next to me at the table and eat with us. sometimes i swear i can see you next to me and hear you talking to me and i talk back. all i want for christmas is to hug you again and sit on your lap and you rock me back and forth on your chair and tell me its gonna be okay. But i have to go so i love you and ill talk to you soon.